Fathers Day 2010

Yesterday was Fathers Day.

I've always had a weird feeling regarding this day - but this year was especially hard. My whole family was in Hawaii, I've been completely exhausted (taking care of their house, and Uncle Ben), and I didn't have any Father's to talk to on this day.

My relationship with my dad has improved x 10,000,000 in the past 3 years or so. He is my "go to" guy on most topics - and mostly relationship. Turns out it helps to have a marraige counselor as a dad. He's one of the most accepting and loving people I know. I'm so blessed to have him in my life, and to have the blessing of calling him "dad". He doesn't have to be. I wouldn't blame him if he didn't want to be. But he's still there for me. Giving me good advice and a hug when i need it. I wish i could just call him up and tell him how much he means to me, but I'm shy i guess....

I had a brief time period in October 2009 where I - for the first time in my life- had some contact with my biological "father" Jeff. This experience has really been an eye opening one for me. Jeff basically told me he is content in his life. He doesn't want to know me regardless if I am his child. He's happy in his life & doesn't want me in it.

I always expected this response from him - and I'm honestly okay with it. It's the closure I needed. It just really is eye opening to me that the man who technically SHOULD be in my life and care about me does not. And the man who doesn't really owe me anything is there for me. And cares for me. And loves me. I'm so thankful for my Dad.

ANY MAN CAN BE A FATHER

BUT IT TAKES SOME ONE SPECIAL

TO BE A DAD.

I miss Nonno. Fathers Day to me always meant "call Nonno" but i can't anymore. It's still as hard as ever. Monica (my aunt) made a beautiful tribute to my Nonno with tons of pictures of him with us. I was in almost every single one.

Staying with him before he died was honestly the best experience of my life. He straightened me out. I grew up a lot being there with him. I am so blessed to have had the opportunity to tell him how thankful I am to him. How much of an impact he had on my life. We would stay up until 4 am sometimes talking about my goals, what hurt me, what made me happy. He genuinley cared for me. He loved me. I knew that. He was my rock. My best friend. I miss him so much.

This is the first Father's Day we've had without Pappa around. I sure miss him. He was also a genuine loving person. I fell in love with this man when i realized his true sincerity. He missed Derek when he couldn't come to family gatherings. He had the best hugs. The greatest eyes. Miss you Pappa.

Luckily - Derek has a big warm loving family - so the day wasn't empty. We were able to go up and spend the day with his Dad Shawn, his Grandpa Roy, Corinne's dad Jack, and Uncle's Rock & Micah.

We are blessed. I have been so fortunate to have the best of the best men in my life. I miss Nonno & Pappa terribly, and my life will never be the same now that they're gone - but I have some amazing people in my life.

Happy Fathers Day! xoxox